calling in the sidekick

Who: Tad and Hayley
Where: Annabell's house
When: late afternoon

Tad got the address and pocketed his phone. It wouldn’t take long to get there on his bike and already he was trying to think through what he could say, how he could handle things. Maybe he’d just let Hayley talk through it. That had worked well enough the first time around.

When he got to the house, her aunt pointed him towards the sun room. He made his way there, peeking in slowly at first, not sure where she was in the mass of plants. “Hayley?”

Hayley was more or less where she'd been left, only now she was seated on the floor in the back corner of the sun room, surrounded by plants. She put her hand up to get his attention. "Here." she said. "Thanks for coming. I didn't really want to ask, I don't want to inflict this on anyone right now, but it means a lot that you'd take time out for a new friend." she told him, giving him full credit on that one.

Tad wandered through the plants to find her, finding a space on the floor with her. “This is one hell of a greenhouse,” he said looking around and shaking his head. “Don’t do that. I’m here because I want to be. You need it, I’m here. And all my friends are new. I only started having them this fall.” It wasn’t said in a self deprecating manner though, just a statement of fact. “Tell me what happened.”

She gave him an attempt at a smile, but in the end it failed. "I don't know. I asked him how he felt. I guess he did like me, or...something, I don't know. At this point I sort of don't trust my own assessments on things. And it came down to a kiss, and the question of one. And he was hesitating, and I just...sort of went for it. I don't really even know what came over me, I'm not really like that."

Tad listened, trying to imagine the situation, but then giving that up. “Okay so you kissed him. Are you upset that he hesitated? Because really, I think hesitating is normal. And don’t be upset that you just sort of kissed him, he probably loved it.” Tad had when Jess kissed him, even if he’d not admit that out loud because it made him sound lame.

"No. I mean, it kind of plays in to everything, but I'm not upset at him for anything. Misha either." she said first, picking at the frayed end of her pajama pants, since she was still wearing them. The pink material with the happy rainbows and flowers on it wasn't fitting her mood. "I kissed him, and it took him a little bit to kiss back. Which I don't think is all that normal. But anyways, doesn't matter. There was kissing, eventually he got into it. But then I pulled back at some point, and just...Tad, he had this look in his eyes." she said, staring hard at the floor. "Like I ran over a puppy or told him he's got cancer or something. Just...sad."

That left Tad frowning, not sure what could have gone wrong. He didn’t fault Bradley for not reacting right away because if she surprised him then it might have taken him a moment to catch up. It’s not like he’d reacted perfectly in the same situation. “Did he explain it? Maybe it wasn’t because of you...”

"It's because of Misha." Hayley said. "But just because it isn't me doesn't mean it's any different. He's still sad. Kissing me got that reaction, and...well. That isn't exactly the reaction you want when you kiss a guy, y'know?" she said, sighing. "And I understand. Like I said, I'm not upset with either of them, I just...it's all messed up now. Misha...I had no idea he could sound that...that..." she didn't even have a word. "And it's not like the stuff with Misha's going to go away. So even if Bradley wants to still have me around or whatever, what hurt him like that isn't going to magically evaporate. It's always going to be there."

That was more complicated than what Tad had been expecting. Looking down at his shoes he tried to wipe off a small scuff that had been there for years while he thought. “You don’t think it will ever go away? Being sad about Misha? I think it kind of makes sense that he’d be upset, probably upset because he does like you and it’s a good sign of a person that he’d be sad that he could hurt his friend. Not everyone is like that.” Tad bit back another, nastier, comment about his former best friends. “Sometimes even what makes you feel good can make you feel bad in those sort of ways.” Because Porter had looked like he’d been close to tears when he told Tad the truth, so maybe it was the same thing with Misha and Bradley. “Did you ask him if he still wants you around? Is that what you want?”

"Not with Misha right there, looking angry as hell at me like I'm the devil. Which, y'know, I am in this case." Hayley said miserably. "He's got every right to think like that, to look at me like that. I get it." She paused a little, then glanced back up at him. "Not everyone is like that." she said, sort of wanting him to elaborate because that sounded personal. That sounded like lots of not good.

“You aren’t the devil,” Tad reassured her. “Yes he has every right to be angry, both at you and at Bradley and probably is justified in punching Bradley, but sometimes people move on from that. You realize what makes the other person happy and you accept it.” Her looking at him had him making a small face and shrugging. “Sometimes it’s really complicated and you don’t find out until well after the fact that your best friend hooked up with the girl you’re crushing on. Maybe you have no say in who she makes out with or runs off with, but you still kinda feel like you’ve been punched in the gut. And like you aren’t allowed to be angry.” He shrugged again then waved his issues away. “What do you want? Did you figure that out, even now in the mess what do you want?”

Hayley looked pained. "...why would he be justified in punching Bradley?" she asked. "He didn't do anything. He wasn't even going to kiss me or anything, he hadn't confessed feelings til I made him--if anyone was an innocent bystander in this, it's him." she said. She bit her lip as he kept talking, going over the other stuff. "...Tad you sound like you've got a lot of hate yourself." she said, voice light. "How can you tell me that Misha might move past something when it seems a whole lot like you still haven't in whatever happened with you."

Tad shrugged. “I dunno sometimes that’s what guys do. Or maybe not, Misha doesn’t seem like a puncher.” At her comment, Tad ran his hand through his curls, tugging at them a little. “You sound like my therapist. I’m actually a lot better than I was. I’ve sort of just let it go because really I can’t fix it and they left town so yeah. What works best for them is what’s best. I was pretty screwed up at the time anyway. As for weighing on Misha, from talking to him like what? Three times? He’s a better guy than I am and probably far more capable of moving on from something like that. It doesn’t happen overnight but eventually you either fixate on it or you just deal. Mostly I deal, but talking about it reminds me it’s not fully healed yet. Sorry for sort of getting it all over you.”

"I can hear it in your voice, and...I don't know. Sometimes I can sort of tell things without knowing how I can tell them yet. I'm not that great at picking out what senses are picking up what, just that they are." Hayley admitted, looking down again. What he said didn't give her hope, though. He didn't sound like he thought things were best, he still sounded angry to her. And he was the guy who was the Misha in the situation he'd been in, so...yeah. It definitely didn't give her hope. "Don't be sorry, I'd rather know, it's just...be honest. I get you're trying to get past things, but you still sound like...like things are bad. When you think about it, anyways. What about the girl? Do you hate her? Ever want to talk to her again, or see her? Didn't you think the worst about her?"

“Hayley, my situation is complicated in ways I can’t even explain because I don’t understand them. You add in that I was in this dark, dark place myself, lost even, it was a complete mess.” He watched her for a moment then sighed a little. “No, not at all. It took me a while to even blame her for some of it. I thought I was in love with her and I couldn’t...couldn’t bare thinking of her badly. Even now...I don’t talk to her anymore because it’s not good for us. We can’t have a conversation without getting confused and attacking each other or hurting each other’s feelings. So we stopped. And honestly? I miss her. I miss them both. That’s the part that’s the most raw that somewhere in there it got so screwed up that I lost them both.”

That gave her pause, and she chewed at her lower lip. “What if you just had one of them. Your friend. The guy.” she said. She could understand ‘complicated’. They had a complicated thing at best, and she was sure it all evened out in the end. So yeah. Complicated? Check. She and the boys had that in spades.

Tad thought about it, trying to sort out how he’d feel about that. Would it be better if he had Porter back? Maybe, but maybe not. The Porter he’d seen last wasn’t the same. After a moment he shook his head. “No. It wouldn’t work. Not with that between us and...” Tad paused not sure how to explain things. There were other issues, about his brother being back, being part of him. That wasn’t the same, but what was. “No, there were other things, things he didn’t tell me about. It’s just too messed up. And she’d be missing too. Things changed too much. I changed too much.”

"What if it was your brother, not just someone you could cut out of your life?" Hayley asked, since that was what she was dealing with. "They live together. they survived this...this awful trauma together. They need each other."

“Then they’ll stick together,” Tad said shrugging. He knew only a tiny bit about what the boys had gone through, mostly knowing it was bad. “If they need each other, they’ll make it work out. That’s a different situation. Porter left with Kaysen or they left together whatever. What was here was too much, not what either of them wanted and they found happiness I guess somewhere else. I don’t want to leave. My life is here. So I found other friends. Better friends honestly.” He nudged her leg gently with his shoe, meaning that he meant her as well.

She smiled faintly at his implication that she was a better friend, but she had to wonder just how badly someone had to feel about people who used to be that important to him, that he'd say that about someone he sort of literally had only had two conversations with--this being the second one. It just said something about the whole situation that maybe he didn't even realize he was saying. She opened her mouth, knowing she needed to say something, but in the end she didn't quite have words.

Tad watched her, letting it be silent for a moment before filling it. “Do you know what you want? How you want it to turn out?”

She shook her head. "I can't see it. I can't see...a way this works out. I think I'll always be that girl that fucked things up. That hurt Misha, and he won't want to have to see us together, so if we did wind up together that means he'd always have to be apart from Misha to see me. And I can't go back there. And I lost a friend here, and now I might lose another. But...I know you're trying to give me hope, I do, and I appreciate that you're trying. But from everything you say, it looks grim at best."

“Well in my situation the guy got the girl,” Tad pointed out though it was weak. Not sure what else to say he wound up just reaching for Hayley’s hand and holding it. “I guess you’ve got to give them time to figure it out for them, sort out what works and where it leaves things. If you told them how you feel, honestly, then there’s nothing else you can do but wait. And until then, you gained a friend right?” He held up the wrist with her bracelet still around it, just to remind her. “I’m not as good looking as Bradley and I lack the really cool accent or that sort of awesome quiet guy thing, but I’m pretty good at video games and completely awful at flirting with girls. So I’m like the funny sidekick.”

"Yeah, and even if you're better now, when you talk about it, your voice gets...it's like it's darker than when you talk about other things." Hayley told him, voice light. Gentle, even. Like she didn't want to have to point it out. She did hold his hand though, sort of giving it a squeeze when she said it. She also nodded when he said she'd gained a friend, and she gave him a smile for it, but there was still a deep sadness threaded beneath it. She laughed a little, however, at the last part. "Everyone likes the funny sidekicks." she said. "I still just feel like the villain of the story, and everyone hates the evil queen."

Tad didn’t know that about his voice and he frowned a little. “Well it’s only been a few months. And...it’s getting better.” He squeezed her hand back and made a note to ask Kaori about his voice, if it was still there and how he got rid of it. For good. Things were better now, other people needed him and he was fast becoming the guy people turned to when they needed a friend or patching up even just someone to sit with. Plus there was Jess and though he worried he might have made a mess with things at one point, it wasn’t all bad. “You aren’t the villain. I doubt either of them think of you that way, but if you are insistent on being the evil queen because you want yell ‘off with their heads’ or something, then I’ll be your goofy henchmen. Slightly altered sidekick role, but it works just as well i think.”

Months. Wow. And he still sounded like that. She was pretty positive she couldn't take months of Misha feeling like that, and still feeling awful, and she was betting if he had to see her now and then, it was going to be even worse. God. She was going to have to ask Billy to build a cage in her basement. Or, or go to Dean and Thia's house, because she'd been told there was one there too, even if she'd never been by the place, and wasn't quite sure who they were, even. "Tad, stop saying that, please. I heard Misha. You weren't there. So don't tell me that you don't think they'll think of me that way when I'm pretty positive Misha thinks exactly that, and anyone else would look at this situation and reasonably conclude I'm the bitch here." she said, not harshly at all, just he kept repeating that and he wasn't present to know what Misha had said. "But thanks for the offer of being a henchman. I don't think I'll be able to pull off anything. I just...don't know." Or, she did, but she didn't want to put voice to it. She was a monster, and apparently that extended now to her personal life, not just the physical and metaphysical.

Tad hated that and wanted to correct her again but wound up just moving so he was next to her, slipping his arm across her shoulders. It might have been too much it had helped Roxie when she needed it, maybe it work would work for Hayley too. “Okay, I didn’t see it. It’s just me that does’t think you’re evil. I think you were just trying to be true to your heart and sometimes that’s all you can do. We’ll wait, see what happens and no matter what, I’ll be around. Okay?”

She leaned into him, not minding the contact. Though she'd been told that was a werewolf thing too, that physicality was more important now. A wolf thing. Nodding, she accepted that. "Thank you." she said. "I appreciate it."

Tad breathed a sigh of relief and nodded a little himself. “No problem. It’s what I’m here for.” He opted for quiet, just holding her, hoping it helped some. There wasn’t much else he could do for now besides wait with her.