it gets worse

Who: Bradley and Misha, then Hayley
When: Midday
Where: Annabell’s

Bradley had followed Misha to Hayley’s parents, for once letting the shorter boy lead and not just because he was the one who knew the way. Misha was the one who seemed driven to make amends with Hayley while all Bradley could focus on was finding her. With different motivations, Misha’s seemed to be pulling him along fast and Bradley lagged behind.

Hayley wasn’t at her parents though and a quick phonecall confirmed she was at her cousins, which had them setting out in a different direction. “What are you going to say?” Bradley asked Misha as they got the cousin’s street.

Misha shrugged a little. He hadn't gotten that far initially, but he'd had time to read the rest of the note and time to think about it on the walk over. And right now, he wasn't sure what he wanted to say. But he was thinking it through. "Lots of things. What are you going to say?"

Bradley was quiet, muddling through everything. “I’ll apologize. And ask her to come back.” Or not to leave him. Whatever way it came out when he finally got the chance to say something. What he knew was that he didn’t want her gone. That he wasn’t handling very well.

Misha looked over at Brad then kept walking, hands tucked into the pockets of his pajama pants. He wasn't sure that his conversation with her would go the same way. He didn't really know anything other than being irrationally angry at the situation in general. "You should go first."

The taller boy glanced at Misha confused. “Really? I wouldn’t think that makes sense.” At least it didn’t to him. Misha had things to say, things to get off his chest. Bradley was pretty sure he was here to just short of beg. “I don’t...What I have to say can wait.”

Misha shrugged a little. It seemed that Bradley wanted her back at the house while Misha, really, wasn't sure what he wanted except to just say what he needed to say. "It'll be nicer if you go first." And that way he could turn away and not really have to look at the two of them together.

Bradley made a face, looking up as they got to the house. “I suppose I could.” What he wanted to do was run up the yard, bang on the door until someone let him in and drag Hayley into his arms. So much that it took everything to keep up an even pace as they walked up the drive. “If you’re sure,” he added before knocking on the door.

After her uncle answered the door, the boys were directed to the back of the house to the big sun room, where she'd fallen asleep. Her bag was where she'd left it, though the black box with the syringe was out. She was curled up on a wicker love seat, with a big fluffy blanket over her. She was sort of mostly a lump under the blanket, still asleep from the small dose of tranquilizer she'd taken. She wasn't that far under, however, so many hours later, and when she heard footsteps, she slowly peeked out from beneath the blanket. She saw the boys, and had an immediate reaction of feeling like she was going to throw up. "I'm sorry." she blurted before anything else could even start to cross her mind.

Misha felt weird. It was odd to come to her family's home with the intent of being angry at her. But there she was, looking adorable under a big blanket and it just made this all that much harder. Tucking his hands into his pants, Misha was quiet for a really long time, trying to figure out what to say. He wanted Bradley to go first anyway, but right now it felt like someone should say something. And the only thing he could come up with, despite all the anger inside of him, was quiet when he said it. "...I don't appreciate the note."

Bradley didn’t know what to do. Just the sight of her, bundled up like that looking scared and tired had him wanting to rush to her, pull her into his arms and protect her. He had his hands bunched at his side while he tried to wait. He’d opened his mouth, not sure where to start until Misha said something and he fell silent, falling a step back even, biting his lower lip.

Hayley was terrified in her own way, looking between the boys until Misha spoke. When he did, she winced, eyes casting downwards immediately. "I didn't want to leave without saying something. I wanted to be honest, and let you know what was happening, instead of just having you wake up to me being gone. I don't know what else I should have done." she told him, not defensive, just explaining herself. Though her voice had a broken sort of dead quality to it, like she was saying words that were true, but she held no heart with them or anything else. She couldn't look at him, and she was waiting for worse. She deserved it, after all.

"You don't know what else you could have done..." He echoed, the hurt there in his voice. "And somehow, telling me any of this to my face never crossed your mind?" He didn't want to look at her either. He didn't even want to be here now that he was here and all of this just plain sucked. "I deserved more than that, Hayley. More than a note on my door." For a long moment, he was silent again and finally shook his head. "...You should have said it. You should have told me all of it."

Bradley didn’t know how to react to that. What she was saying made sense, though he had to agree with Misha, it would have been better to say something. He didn’t even get a chance to tell his friend before she’d left him the note. He stayed quiet, stayed fallen back a step and watching the two of them, trying not to wince at Misha’s words. Some of them should have been meant for him as well, just as much as they were meant for Hayley.

"No." she answered honestly. "I was already a mess. I knew I wouldn't be able to say to you what I had to say, so I left you the best I could do at the moment. I'm sorry. You're right, you deserved better. But I'm not perfect. You’re quiet, you have gone for a long time without speaking, if anyone should understand not having the words for someone, you should. I did what I could at the time." She still stared at the floor. "As for telling you...do you mean before? I didn't know until yesterday. I didn't know anything. I'm sorry. If you want to yell at me, or curse me, or whatever you want, you're entitled. I'll listen."

Misha had had a lot of things to say but then she threw that in his face and it shut him up for a moment. It annoyed him to no end that she was pulling that card out. This was not like that. This was nothing like the reasons he was silent for so long, but he didn't want to judge someone for not having the right words because he hadn't wanted to be judged for it. Instead, he listened to her, trying his best to hear her but really he just felt the annoyance rise again. "Don't talk to me about understanding, Hayley. For someone who thinks I should understand, you certainly don't understand that for what we've been through, I deserve more than a note with a confession in it."

The fact that she didn't know before yesterday, it pissed him off. So just instantly she'd changed her mind, just instantly she'd decided she wanted Bradley instead of him. And for a long moment he didn't say anything. When he did glance at her, he realized how much he really didn't want to even be there. He really didn't want to look at either of them right now. Everything was too much, so he turned and started towards the door. As much as he wanted to leave he really couldn't. Not with Bradley here. And he was worried, scared even, that he was going to have to sit here and listen to confessions of love or like or whatever the hell was going on between the two of them when all he wanted to do now was go home. So before he made his way totally to the doorframe, he stopped. "And I don't....I don't care what happens now. I don't...You and Bradley do whatever the hell you two want...but you don't get to break him and then leave. You stay for the messes you make and you clean them up." Maybe it was a lie. Maybe he did care because he still cared for her. Maybe he always would, but right now, she didn't need to know that.

Bradley was still quiet, running a hand through his hair, tugging at the shirt he had on while he listened to Misha. When Misha turned to go he turned, watching his friend leave, opening his mouth to tell him to stop when Misha spoke again. It wasn’t easy, being called a mess, but as quickly as the defense rose to counter it, to tell Misha he was wrong, the realization that he was right welled with it. He was a mess and he needed to be cleaned up, no matter what lies he was telling himself, what roles he wanted to play. “Mish...I..” he started but fumbled, looking back at Hayley for help.

She felt a little stunned, though she guessed that was to be expected. She wanted to explain better, how she was confused, even if it seemed like Misha had decided that she knew what she was doing. When she really didn't. When it was pretty damn clear in events and her notes that she didn't actually have intentions on being with Bradley. That it was pretty impossible, all things considered. Maybe he was too angry to realize what the situation really was. The acid that hit her with his last words though, that was what hurt all the more. She said nothing, however, still of a mind that she deserved it. When Bradley looked in her direction, she didn't see it, eyes still steadfastly glued to the floor.

Misha wasn't sure he could be here anymore. He glanced between the two of them, barely aware that what he had said had been as venomous as it had. He felt like he should say more, like he had other things to say, but the walls of the space were just too close and Bradley and Hayley were there and he just..couldn't be there anymore. So he walked towards the door again, reaching into his pocket for his mp3 player. "Outside," He said quietly, needing the time alone. He went for an opposite door, the door to the backyard, and sat himself on the steps just outside of the sunroom leading to the ground.

Bradley was quiet as he watched Misha go, not sure what to say to his friend. It hurt, seeing him like that, down to the one word comment and he knew Misha was hurting as well. Still, at the same time, he couldn’t miss the way Hayley stared at the floor, the way she didn’t look up when he looked at her. The door closing behind Misha held Bradley in place for a moment before he was turning to Hayley, moving so he was kneeling next to her, trying to catch her eyes. “Are you alright?” he asked, fighting the urge to pull the blanket away and check for injuries. There was no logical reason to think she’d be injured but that was where the Ranger jumped to and the instinct was still there.

"Look at your brother and tell me again how I'm the maiden of the story." she said, her tone the same as it had been before, sort of dead, distant and detached. She felt like she was gutted, only numb at the same time. Hollowed out might be a better description.

Bradley touched her cheek, lightly, hating that sound of her voice. “Don’t...don’t talk like that,” he said meaning both her tone and the maiden comment. “It muddles everything.” Which was already far too muddled and murky to see through. “I’m asking about you,” he reminded her gently.

"I'm not the one you should be worried about right now. There's a reason I left the commune, Bradley, it was because I didn't want to hurt people, and I didn't want to screw up your relationship with Misha. And okay, he's really mad at me, which is good, I guess, but he doesn't seem happy in general, and he shouldn't be alone." Hayley told him, still not looking at him.

He sighed, letting his hand drop. It bothered him that she wouldn’t look up, that she wouldn’t face him. “He knows I came for you, he helped me find you,” he told her softly. “He got to say his piece and I get to say mine right?” Bradley didn’t want for an answer though before he started. “I don’t want you to leave. Something’s missing when you’re not there and even though I woke up feeling like I’m in a fog, I knew I needed to find you.”

Hayley looked up then, though it was only for a fraction of a second before her eyes were back on the ground. "I can't go back there. Did you see him?" she asked, voice tiny. "He hates me right now. Why would I ever put him through that?" she posed. "I can't do that to him. I've done more than enough damage, I can't be there and be some constant reminder. Not only that, but him sounding like that towards me...I can take it right now because I deserve it, but I couldn't take that every day, Bradley."

Bradley’s eyes ticked towards the door where he could barely see Misha’s outline. “I don’t think he hates you,” he said, though what Misha had said had sounded like he wanted very little to do with Hayley. Sighing slightly he looked back at Hayley again. “What about me?” he asked, voice softer than it normally was, something slightly vulnerable lingering behind it.

"I think he does. Most guys would in his position." she said, believing that. "It's reasonable." She didn't fault him for it. She didn't answer his other statement immediately, really having to struggle to find words. "I think you should go back to how things were. Forget about me, or see me for what I am, and repair things with Misha. It wasn't your fault to start with, this is all on me. You'll be happier." she told him, voice very quiet.

“Misha isn’t most. That’s what makes him special,” Bradley pointed out, believing it to his core. Misha was different from even his friends for a reason. Nothing typical applied to his friend. Bradley shook his head. “I won’t be. I know that. And I can’t forget you. I wouldn’t want to.” He looked down at the ground as well for a moment then looked back at her again. “You asked, how it would be if you left, how I’d feel. I don’t like it. I feel lost.” While his brothers grounded him in one way, Bradley had started to need something else. He didn’t realize it, not until Hayley had left, but once she had he wasn’t sure how he’d functioned before her. I need you, he thought fleetingly.

"Bradley, I know what I heard in his voice right there, don't pretend it's something else." she said, though her tone was still quiet. "You'll be okay. It'll suck for a few days, then you'll go back to how things were. I know how you looked at me. It wasn't right. And I understand. I don't blame you or anything, this is my own fault. But I know what I saw."

Again Bradley looked towards the door where Misha was, torn between consoling his friend and clinging to the grounding rod he had in front of him. The pain of it crossed his features, but he managed to turn back to Hayley. “What did you see?” he asked, wanting her to tell him, to clarify, hoping it might clear some of the murk of his mind, help him to understand.

Looking up again, she managed to meet his gaze for just a moment. Long enough to say what she said. "You were sad." Then she was back to looking at the floor. "This sort of deep seeded sadness, and you don't look at someone like that when they kiss you. But I saw it, it was clear. You didn't have to say anything. On top of that, when I first kissed you, you hesitated. It took you a bit to respond. It just...none of it was right." she reached up and swiped her wrist across her eyes as tears welled again. She'd pretty much thought she was out of them, but hey look there they were.

When she looked up he’d moved to hold her there, hand on her chin, her cheek anywhere to keep her looking at him, but what she said stopped him, hand inches from her face without making contact. “Only for a moment,” he said about the hesitation. Then he’d kissed her back, once he was sure. Looking away, Bradley took a moment to sort through his head, to try and piece back what he’d been feeling. “It was sad because of Misha,” he said finally. “Because of what...what it meant to everything. Not because of you. Kissing you was...definitely not something to be sad about. Being confused, that was worth being sad about, but not the act.” He paused for a moment then stood, not sure if he should leave or stay, but needing to move in some way, to do something. “I don’t regret it.”

"Being sad about Misha won't go away. It would always be there. I'm sad about it too, honestly. I just...I don't know. I know that wouldn't get better. I think all that would happen is things would get worse and worse." Especially after what Misha had said to her. His tone had said everything, she hadn't even needed the words. And just because he'd articulated that he didn't care what they did, she knew that was a lie. If he truly didn't, he wouldn't sound like that. “I’m so sorry, Bradley.” she said, voice wobbling.

Maybe they would get worse. Maybe they’d get better. Bradley didn’t have any real experience to judge it on or to base anything on at all. He’d had a girlfriend or two, just briefly, but never with the consequences that came with liking Hayley. He was was out of his depth on this one. As her voice wavered he knelt again, this time actually tilting her chin so she had to look at him. “Don’t. He needed you to apologize, I need you to stop. It’s not...” he closed his eyes for a moment then started again. “It’s broken, completely. Just this messy haze. You can’t play into it like you said you wanted to in your note.” The note to Misha, not to Bradley. He probably shouldn’t have read it but he hadn’t been thinking clearly at the time, just focused on finding Hayley and dealing with Misha.

When he forced her to look at him, she did, though it was really difficult for her. "What's broken, the fantasy? How do you know it won't come back? No one else believed it was the best for you. Just me. Maybe they were right." Though she still wasn't entirely sure about it. And he wasn't broken down and sobbing right now, so maybe that was a good sign? She didn't know.

“It doesn’t...fit anymore.” Bradley made a face with the comment, having issues choosing his words. Whatever was left of the fantasy wasn’t covering the whole picture, just clouding parts, veiling others and leaving some places gaping wide open. “It’s hard to...focus the same way. Sometimes.” He’d been able to hone in on her, and keep that goal in check, but where he went from here was as clear as mud. “I want you back, somehow. Or I can be here. Whatever works.”

"What do you mean, you want me back?" she asked. "...the mission? Is that even still a thing?" she asked, because she was confused now. She really didn't know what to do with anything there.

Bradley considered her question, watching her eyes for a moment. Did the mission matter? Part of him still cried for it, but it wasn’t a necessity as much. Still, even without the need for the goal, for the task to level up, there was still a need for Hayley, in some capacity that he couldn’t define. Shaking his head he looked at her again. “Just you.”

At the same time, that statement made her feel better and infinitely worse. "I don't know what to do." she told him. "I don't see a way to do this, not without really seriously hurting Misha even more than I already have." she told him, voice cracking slightly.

“I don’t... I don’t either,” Bradley admitted. “But I can’t...you not being there doesn’t feel right. And I promised I’d be there for you. I don’t want to back down on that.” His hand shifted his hold on her chin, moving to her cheek to touch her lightly, something sweeter than before. “Don’t...rule it out.” It was the best he could hope for, that she’d consider letting him stay at her side in some capacity.

She bit at her lip, watching his eyes and she still didn't think there was anything resembling hope here. "It'll be the full moon soon, and I know I'll have to go back for that. Til then...be there for him, okay? If you're still determined to talk to me about things, we'll talk then." she said, knowing it was a stall tactic, but maybe it was wise, too. It was only a few days. She could attempt to sort out her head, and maybe Bradley would learn he was just fine without her. And either way, it would mean Misha wasn't left alone.

Bradley was quiet, eyes fixed on hers. It didn’t feel like the answer he’d wanted, though if asked he wouldn’t have been able to explain what answer it was he did want. Nodding slowly he leaned in towards her, forehead close to hers. “I will still be determined,” he told her softly. This close to her he wanted to kiss her again, but wasn’t sure if she’d let him.

She wanted to hug him, cling, but she felt so sick about everything she couldn't even consider it. This wasn't going to work. Nothing was going to work, and she couldn't get past the idea that Misha hated her. Because...yeah. With what he'd said and how he'd said it, she knew venom when it was directed her way, and she'd not even realized he was capable of that. So it was all the more shocking, all the more painful. And with Bradley, the Misha issue wasn't going to go away. It wasn't. So even if he still liked her and wanted her, that was always going to be in the background, making them both upset. "Go home. Take care of him. Make it your new calling for now." she said quietly. “He’s more important.”

“It doesn’t make you less important,” Bradley told her, touching her chin again. He was quiet, watching her eyes closely. Leaning in the rest of the way he pressed his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and breathing slowly for a moment. “I will still come if you need me. I will take care of him, but I am still here for you as well. Tell me you understand that.” He wouldn’t leave until she did, until she admitted that she knew she could call and he would come.

"I understand." she promised, even if she knew she wouldn't contact him upon pain of death. At least, she didn't think so. Right now everything felt like it was falling apart, just like with what happened to her. Just like when she'd been in the hospital, and found out she was a fucking werewolf. That event turned everything to hell, and her needs had changed, and she hated that. Apparently it just wasn't done ruining things.

He lingered there, close to her for another long moment before pulling away and sitting back. It was hard to leave, to know that the presence he’d gotten so used to since she showed up would be gone and being willing to walk away from it. Eventually Bradley did get up though, taking a step back. He didn’t say goodbye, not sure he could muster up the words. Instead he just made his way out the same door Misha had gone, collecting his friend to go home.