private, handwritten diary entry

I don't know why I've bought this notebook, I've never kept a diary in my life. Well maybe for like a week after I read Anne Franks one for English class but I never kept it up - I guess I didn't see the point, why would I want to read about something I did ages ago? But it's not about that, not now anyway. I dunno, it's just, I don't want stuff to just sit in my head. Maybe if I get it down on paer it wont drive me so batty. It's a nice thought anyway.

Seeing Dean and Thia today was kinda weird, I mean it was good but at the same time all the stuff about Stu and the others, I...Fuck, I hate it. I hate that it happened, I hate that I couldn't even remeber all of their names, that Stu is...Part of me wishes that had he just been killed, then there wouldn't be all this to deal with. Does that make me bad person? I dont know, I mean, he's not even Stu anymore. Yeah he looks like him but Stu couldn't have, he wouldn't...What sucks the most is I'm not even sure if I believe that. The night he found me after it happened, he seemed like him - a little more manic than usual but still him. But the way he was talking...

I don't know what to think anymore.

Then there's Caleb. Who I like, and I'm living in his basement and I don't know what to think about him either. I kinda want to tell him but the last thing I want is for him to think that I'm going all 'my hero' on him like that's all this is because it's not just that. There's just something there We clicked. Sort of like me and Thia did but not, on account of how I dont get butterflies and blush like my face is on fire around Thia.

I should really talk to her about this...

Okay, enough whingeing. I'm gonna go for a run and clear my head.

Added later with a differnt pen
Manchester
Rob & Rob
Mike West
James? and Linda Lisa Leah